Because you suck. No, really, you suck if you’re average. Compared to me, you’re probably average. Don’t get upset with me—I didn’t make you average. This is entirely your fault. If you don’t like it, stop being average.
If you don’t take massive action to correct your averageness, your life will be average, and you know you don’t want that. Do you want to live in an average home, drive an average car, have average sex with an average person, and get an average paycheck? You’re depressing me with how average you are right now.
Why Are You OK with Average?
Look, I know you’re not me and can never be at the tippity-top of awesome like me, but you can become above average. I had just enough time between counting my money and having sex with three Instagram models to write this mega-valuable information about why you’re average. What I say now will most certainly change your life—unless you’re so comfortable with average that you can’t break out of the orbit of Planet Average.
It gets lonely at the top. For me to pause my incredible life just long enough to reach down and expand your mind beyond average is a HUGE moment for you and benefits me in ways you’ll only understand when you’re no longer living in Averageville. And I know it seems like I’m extremely humble, but I do this to help us both. If you remain average, I won’t have anyone close to my level to relate to.
I need you to not suck so bad!
I need you to kick average like it’s a penguin and you must boot it through the goalposts to win the big game. If you don’t kick the average out of this football-shaped penguin, you’ll blend into mediocrity with the rest of Team Average. And I’ll have to keep living an awesome life without being able to share small amounts of awesome with you.
I can’t be around average—it’ll bring me down. If I get brought down, the world won’t have anything to look up to. Do you think the world will look up to you? Get your head out of your average ass. Average people can’t look up to you when you’re just as average as they are.
You must want more for yourself so you can help give the rest of the walking average a glimpse that they, too, can improve beyond average. I’m helping eradicate average every day. I need an army of people laser-focused on setting a standard above average so I have above-average people to be around, ensuring I remain as amazing as I am.
Comment below with one way you’ll kick average today!